Infant Crying: The Secrets to Silencing an Upset Baby

By Lisa Pecos For new parents, there is just no way to prepare for the onslaught of crying that you will be dealing with in the coming weeks and months. In their first few days of life, newborns spend most of their time either sleeping or in a quiet state of near-sleep, but this is just the calm before the storm. Once you get your baby home, he or she is likely to cry progressively more and more until the habit peaks at anywhere from six weeks to three months. So if you are reading this as an expectant first-time parent, remember not to draw any conclusions from those first few days. The crying almost always picks up by around week two or three, and that is when things may get rough for a while. And unfortunately, even when you are armed with this knowledge, there is simply no way to fully prepare yourself for your baby’s crying. You may have some experience around others’ newborns, but the feeling is much different when the crying, screeching, wailing child is your own. The sound has a visceral effect on parents. It elevates heart rate and blood pressure, and it creates a sense of panic. In that moment, you would do practically anything to calm your child. This primal, evolutionarily programmed response applies to both moms and dads, and it can be quite powerful. Given the biological effects of a baby’s crying on his or her parents, bad things can happen when a baby refuses to stop crying. Some parents get frustrated and depressed. Some even get angry at their babies. But it does not have to be this way. Whether your baby is colicky or merely fussy, there are things you can do to rein in the crying and set your own mind at ease. There are a few key points to keep in mind. First, remember that your baby is not complicated. Later on he or she will develop a complex array of emotions, but for now there are only a few things happening in your baby’s mind. If she is upset, it is because she is hungry, sleepy, hot, cold, uncomfortable, or in pain. Some parenting guides say infants also cry out of boredom, but there is no evidence for this. Meanwhile, babies are used to the cozy confines of the womb. For the first three months or so of your child’s life, it is in everyone’s best interest to create womb-like conditions as much as possible. Here’s what to do: •    Swaddle. If you have not yet learned how to swaddle your baby, find a good guide on the web, and start experimenting with your baby. Keep in mind that the baby may remain fussy for a few minutes after being swaddled, so do not give up on it easily. It is universal; babies love the warm, womb-like confinement of being wrapped up tightly. •    Cuddle with the baby. Whenever convenient, even let her sleep with you. Of course, doctors recommend that babies always be on their backs when sleeping in a crib or bassinet, but babies can be in other positions when their parents are there to watch them. What babies love more than anything is to sleep against mommy’s bare chest. Do not be surprised if your baby falls asleep there on her own. •    Rock and swing. Inside the womb, babies are constantly rocked and swung around in sundry directions, and they like it that way. That is why, as you might notice, your baby is liable to go into a pleasant trance and quickly fall asleep as soon as she is pushed in a stroller or strapped into a moving car. Create similar conditions any time you are trying to calm your child. Try different types of rocking until you find one he responds positively to. •    Make noise. The womb is an extremely noisy place. In fact, to an unborn baby’s ears, the noise inside the womb is akin to a vacuum cleaner running full blast for nine months straight. So in these first few months of your child’s life, provide plenty of white noise, and do not worry about making it too loud. Louder is actually better in many cases. So while you’re cuddling and rocking your baby, make “shh” noises until you are out of breath. Your baby will love it. If that gets tiring, use other sources of white noise such as fans and recordings. Each of these steps on its own can help calm an upset baby, but combined they can work wonders. Just keep in mind that they may not work right away. There are lots of different ways to cuddle, rock, and make noise for a baby, and you may have to do hours of experimenting before you hit upon the perfect combination for your child. But rest assured that if you keep working at it, things will get better. And in the meantime, try to keep a level head, do not get angry, and do not blame yourself for your baby’s crying.