During a woman’s pregnancy she will appreciate a man who is involved in what she is experiencing and a man who listens and who is attentive to her needs. At times she will feel the need to be ‘mothered’ herself and the father should allow and let this happen by nurturing and looking after her.
Couples will find the balance between an uninterested, detached father and an intrusive father who does not give the mother her privacy.
Healthy ways for fathers to be involved in a helpful and beneficial way can be things like his interest and research in reading about pregnancy, childbirth and good parenting skills. Fathers can suffer from anxiety because of the unknown so reading and researching these topics can help to alleviate some of that strain. It also gives the father a chance to discuss subjects he has read about with the mother.
A father-to-be can really help the mother with the preparatory shopping that needs to be done before the birth. It is a chance for the mother and father to build the nest together. Items like the cot, pram, clothing, car-seat, changing unit and bottles can seem like a very long list and the mother will appreciate the father’s interest and keenness to prepare for the arrival together.
It is important for the father to be available and interested at medical check-ups and ultrasound scans or for classes preparing the couple for the birth. The father can also suggest nutritious foods and make meals that the mother will enjoy and benefit from.
The mother will be excited about the movements of the baby inside her and will want to share this experience with the father. The father can place his hand on the mother’s belly and he too can share the wriggling of the baby and the enthusiasm and excitement of the mother is then shared. This way of communicating with the baby through touch can be researched further through the science and therapy of haptonomy. This has been used to help position a baby into the correct position before birth.
As with the mother’s voice, a baby even before birth will recognise his father’s voice if he hears it regularly. Talking to your unborn baby will help the baby to recognise you and will be reassured by your voice when he is born. As with the mother, the unborn baby can move and behave in particular ways when he hears your voice.
In only the last twenty or so years it has become common for fathers to be invited to their child’s birth and is now considered beneficial. It has been observed that fathers being present at childbirth helps the mother and has seen a reduction in the doses of analgesics. It is important to discuss what is to happen before the arrival and be in agreement as to whether you are to be there for the birth.
It can be very difficult for the father to see the woman he loves in pain and not be able to share some of it or take the pain away. Fathers can just be there, be empathetic, comfort and avoid trying to ‘manage’ the situation, asking if everything is ok all the time. Childbirth is an incredibly intense time and every word that is uttered takes on a heightened importance. Fathers are sometimes better off staying silent for a lot of the time, avoiding cracking jokes to avoid tension or focusing on how he is feeling every five minutes.
The father should discuss with the mother whether she wants cameras and video cameras in the labour room as they are not always wanted and are usually best saved for a little time after the birth. The memories the mother shares with the father are more important than sharing the experience with everyone else through a collection of photographs.
By Eirian Hallinan
The experience of the birth of my daughter was spell binding.
I have detailed out the role of a father on my blog… its a little long.. but you may find it useful!
http://www.akshaykakkar.com/1/post/2011/08/whats-a-daddy.html